Happy Mother's Day

Two years ago, I knew very little about being a mother....I know slightly more this year than I did last year (but not much more, let me tell ya!).

I cannot think of Mother's Day or being a mother without thinking of how I became a mother.

Yesterday, Mother's Day reminded me how dreadfully unworthy I am to be a mother. Being Logan's mother is the greatest gift I have ever experienced. It didn't come easy for us. We didn't just "decide" to start a family and then it happened. There was work involved...paperwork, tears, loss of control, etc. And I can't help but wonder why I, so unworthy, so less-than-average, so rough-around-the-edges and so inexperienced at this mothering thing was chosen by Miss A and chosen by God to be Logan's mother. I will never in all of my life understand why I was blessed with such a gift.

It's overwhelming to think that our paths crossed with this little boy and he rocked our world in a way we could never have imagined. He's amazing. He gives us so much more than we could ever give him. I struggle to find balance between keeping him grounded (I always say he's not going to know what to think when he finds out the world actually does NOT revolve around him) and letting him know how absolutely wonderful we think he is. It's a difficult balance.

I don't know why God chose me for this incredible job, and I'm certain that I did nothing to deserve it. Yet each day, I try harder to be better, to teach him more, to be more patient, to be a better wife, and to love God more so that Logan can see me as a godly woman. And each day, I fail.

Dear God, if there is one cry you hear from my heart, may it be that Logan can see You through me and I grow closer to You so that he will be blessed.

So, I didn't post this yesterday because quite honestly, the day was just too full of emotion for me. Next year, I'm going to try to focus on the "Happy" part and try to, for one day, NOT think about how inadequate I am as a mother. And I don't write all of this so that everyone will rally and tell me that I'm "really a good mother," and all that. I'm just writing what my honest feelings were yesterday. I know that in all reality, I'm probably not as bad as I think I am....

I just have to mention a special Happy Mother's Day to our friend, Amber. She is the mother to our precious nephew, Carter. Zeb's sister, Rachael, made the loving decision to place Carter with Travis and Amber and we are so thankful that we are able to watch him grow. Adoption has touched our family in so many ways. If you are in the mood for a good adoption story, jump on over to Amber's blog and enjoy. Happy 1st Mother's Day to Amber AND Rachael!

And while you're reading adoption stories, click on over to my amazing friend Abby's blog and congratulate her on her newest little girl. You might remember Abby's daughter Hannah who I posted pictures of a few months ago. Abby has been a wonderful inspiration to me, not only in our adoption journeys, but in life in general. And I know she had a great Mother's Day...what with TWO daughters now!!!