Our Adoption Progress

This is how Logan was sleeping this evening.



We got some wonderful news today -- our lawyer called and said that the birth father had not registered on the Putative Father Registry, which means that's one more step in the process. As a matter of fact, that's the last BIG piece that we were waiting for. Since I know that we have some new readers, and November is Adoption Awareness month, I'm going to start at the beginning of our adoption journey.



We had to be married for two years before we could start the adoption process. So, on our second anniversary, I contacted Lutheran Social Services. We immediately began the paperwork. Approval for adoption includes a HOMESTUDY. The homestudy is not simply a visit to your home. Ours consisted of two (several hour) sessions at LSS and one session at our home. We were also given homework which we had to complete including a family tree and much paperwork. We also had to get physicals, fingerprints (criminal background checks) and several references. We had to obtain credit reports, pay check stubs, tax returns, and financial statements. We had to provide information about health insurance, life insurance, our philosophies on family and how we would raise a child.



One of the most stressful parts of the home study is preparing a portfolio (some agencies call these life-books, profiles or other). Basically, this was our story. We wrote a letter to potential birth mothers who would be looking at our information. Our portfolio also contained pictures of us, our family and our home, although it contained no identifying information about us.



There are different types of adoption. A closed adoption is where the adoptive family and the birth mother (and birth father, if he's involved) does not know anything about the adoptive family. Basically, the birth mother would approach a licensed adoption agency and state that she would like to make an adoption plan but does not want to be involved in the process.



A semi-open adoption is when some information is exchanged, but no identifying information. There are many different levels of semi-open adoptions. In our case, the birth mother chose us from our profile, but we never met and we don't know much about her. She knows what we look like and general information about us and our families, including our first names, but doesn't know anything about us that would allow us to track her down. As far as what we know about her -- it's very little and we will save that information for Logan.



An open adoption is when the adoptive family and the birth mother (and perhaps some of her family) meets. Again, there are different levels to this. They may choose to meet prior to the birth, but not have any contact after the birth. They may meet prior to the birth and remain in contact after the baby is born, which could include visits to each others' homes. In some cases, the birth mothers have visitation with the child.



It is important to note that none of the above (closed, semi-open, open) are legal terms. Once the adoption is finalized, the adoptive family has no legal obligation to the birth mother. Even if promises were made prior to the birth, the adoptive family could change their mind and say, "okay, now you cannot see the child." Of course, I believe it would be horribly wrong to promise a birth mother something and then not follow through with that agreement. But it could happen.



Even with an open adoption, our agency tends to carry that out only through supervised visits, not visits to each others' homes. It's important that if you are pursuing adoption, you do major soul-searching to figure out what situation you would be most comfortable with.



Zeb and I were pretty sure that we wanted a closed adoption. But those are pretty rare these days. So, we said that we would be willing to do a semi-open adoption. As I said, our birth mother chose us from our profile, but she did not want to meet us. I do see how meeting each other would complicate things.



So, six weeks prior to Logan's due date, I received a call from our case worker stating that we had been chosen. Our wait from the time we made the initial call until the time we were chosen was approximately 20 months.



The birth mother has the legal right to change her mind and decide to parent the child until she signs the papers. So, from the time we found out we were chosen until the time she signed (which MUST be at least 24 hours after the birth), we were still on-edge.



Our experience was perfect. Logan's birth mother signed the papers before she checked out of the hospital the day after he was born. Once she chose us (we've been told), she referred to us as the parents. She allowed us to make certain decisions that parents make upon birth. She allowed us to come to the hospital and be with him the day after he was born. (She was okay with us seeing him the night he was born, but the hospital wouldn't let us.)



In order to legally adopt Logan, we had to file paperwork with a lawyer. We did this on October 6. After the papers were filed, we had to wait 30 days and then the lawyer checked the Putative Father Registry. (see 8/26 post about this registry.) So, this takes me back to the beginning of my story, when today, we finally heard that all is clear.



We still have two in-home reviews, one at 3 months and the other at 5 or 6 months, after which time, we will go to the courthouse and the adoption will be finalized. For now, Logan is only in our custody. We cannot take him out of the state until the adoption is finalized, we must contact the caseworker prior to any major medical procedures (yes, we contacted her about his biopsy), and if he "fails to thrive," LSS could remove him from our home. We do not anticipate any issues with finalization, as we know our roles and responsibilities completely and attempt to follow them to the letter!! We are not going to mess this up!



Adoption has been such a wonderful experience for us. I told Zeb last night that I am so happy that we could not have biological children, because Logan was meant to be ours. I cannot imagine not having him or him being with someone else. We were meant to be together from the beginning. God knew from the beginning. We experienced much heart-ache and devastation regarding our infertility. But God offers healing and He has healed our hearts completely...so much so, that we are anxiously looking forward to our next adoption. We LOVE the way the God formed our family.



You know, the Bible refers to our relationship with God as an adoption. We are adopted into God's family when we obey His word and follow His commands for being added into his family.


When you think about it, Jesus himself was adopted by Joseph. Moses was adopted by Pharaoh's daughter. Esther was adopted by her uncle. I would say God has a special place in His heart for adoption, too.