I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You

I have never been one of those people who holds out much hope for things. For instance, I always assumed that I'd be the one to never find "the one" and never get married. So, I made a life for myself that I would be fine with alone. Sure enough, God had other plans for me, and Zeb came along. We always wanted children, but we knew early on that biological children wouldn't be in our plans. Still, for some reason, I secretly hoped. We put on the "we'll be fine with just the two of us" front, worried that it would actually turn out that way. Still, we mostly discussed the possibility of it just being the two of us far more often than we dreamed out loud about what it would be like to have children. But for some reason, I started a quilt. A little blue one. For a little boy. Believe it or not, I started this quilt shortly after Zeb and I got married, even though we knew we couldn't start the adoption process until we had been married for two years.

I finished the front of the quilt and the back of the quilt about 5 years ago. I didn't know how to finish the rest and I'd lost touch with the lady who was teaching me. A few times, I looked at my work (I did it all by hand, and I impressed myself :)) but for the most part, the pieces of would-be-quilt were stored on a closet shelf.

And then, the most amazing thing happened. Logan. Our little boy. Better than we could have imagined. If I had put in a special line-by-line request to God, I'm sure I would have left some things out...like his adorable cowlick. Seriously, dear Lord, that's just like icing on the cake. Like, God didn't just want to give us a regular little boy, he had to make him unique and special in so many ways that I can't even tell you about them all. The cowlick is just one of my favorites and a beautiful reminder that God delivers in ways we could never imagine.

So, the quilt remained in the closet until a couple weeks ago when I got up the courage to take it someplace to have it finished. And last week, we picked it up. As I looked at the finished product, I told Logan, "This is for you! I made this for you!" Well, I mean, I didn't make it completely, but I stitched most of it. And the past week, it's been a reminder to me that I really always knew that God would bring us a special child....deep down I knew it. And the fact that I spent countless hours stitching is just a testament to how much we loved our little boy before we even knew him....before we even could voice our belief that he would find his way to us.

I'm worried that someday, Logan will think that he wasn't wanted or will struggle with feelings of why his birth mother couldn't keep him, etc. I pray that never happens. But if it does, I'm going to pull out the quilt and show him how much I wanted him and longed for him and how I passed hours and hours waiting for him by making this gift for him long before I ever saw his face.
I never dreamed that I would have an adorable little boy AND doggie to love the quilt. As soon as we walked in the door from picking it up, Logan said, "I need my blanket," and he fell asleep right on the couch, under his blanket.

I think he could feel the love that I poured into that blanket and that's why he went right to sleep. Sweet boy. Our answered prayer.