Graduation

Tonight, my niece graduated from kindergarten! I cannot believe that she is 6 years old already. I still remember where I was when I got the phone call from my sister stating that she was having a little girl. I immediately started to cry....hoping/praying that this little girl would LOVE me. And I'm happy to report, she does. I like to be the fun aunt and promise her that if she moves in with me, I would let her have her very own craft room. We would do crafts all day, every day, and she could use all of my stamps, scissors and markers. She lights up when I tell her this. She is so creative and she wants to be an artist when she grows up.

My, how I love that little girl. They once had a large box at their house and she asked her mom if she would package her up and send her to Aunt Amy. And then there was the time that she got mad at her mom and said she was going to live with Aunt Amy. (Secretly, I love that!)

I can see that Logan is just as in love with my sister as her girls are with me. When her girls want to sit with me in church, Logan wants to sit with her. I love it!

The graduating class recited the Presidents, books of the Bible, states and capitols, and various Bible verses. Samantha sang a duet with another little girl. Her line was "Now sometimes I know that I get in your way; I'm noisy and just bug you so. But there's lots of questions that I need to ask, if I'm ever going to know." Brought tears to my eyes. So, so precious!

Sensitive Logan

So, tonight, I was trying to make Logan laugh while feeding him supper. I would shout "HAPPY!" and show a big smile. I don't remember the last time he laughed so hard. Then, I started to act sad. I acted like I was crying. At first, he laughed. So I became more dramatic. At some point, he forgot that we were playing a game and he got seriously upset. I don't think I've ever cried in front of him. He started crying himself. Not the "shut up, I want you to stop" crying, but the "oh my, I cannot stand to see my mother crying...what is wrong with her" cry. I couldn't believe it. He was crying real tears. I picked him up from his high chair and he gave me the biggest hug to comfort me. He was truly hurting because he thought I was hurting.

After that, I really did start crying because I was so touched by this little boy -- 19 1/2 months old, seeing someone hurting and hurting with them.

My thought -- how many ways will the Lord be able to use Logan's compassion to reach others for Him? I can't wait to see how the Lord works in His life.

Happy Mother's Day

Two years ago, I knew very little about being a mother....I know slightly more this year than I did last year (but not much more, let me tell ya!).

I cannot think of Mother's Day or being a mother without thinking of how I became a mother.

Yesterday, Mother's Day reminded me how dreadfully unworthy I am to be a mother. Being Logan's mother is the greatest gift I have ever experienced. It didn't come easy for us. We didn't just "decide" to start a family and then it happened. There was work involved...paperwork, tears, loss of control, etc. And I can't help but wonder why I, so unworthy, so less-than-average, so rough-around-the-edges and so inexperienced at this mothering thing was chosen by Miss A and chosen by God to be Logan's mother. I will never in all of my life understand why I was blessed with such a gift.

It's overwhelming to think that our paths crossed with this little boy and he rocked our world in a way we could never have imagined. He's amazing. He gives us so much more than we could ever give him. I struggle to find balance between keeping him grounded (I always say he's not going to know what to think when he finds out the world actually does NOT revolve around him) and letting him know how absolutely wonderful we think he is. It's a difficult balance.

I don't know why God chose me for this incredible job, and I'm certain that I did nothing to deserve it. Yet each day, I try harder to be better, to teach him more, to be more patient, to be a better wife, and to love God more so that Logan can see me as a godly woman. And each day, I fail.

Dear God, if there is one cry you hear from my heart, may it be that Logan can see You through me and I grow closer to You so that he will be blessed.

So, I didn't post this yesterday because quite honestly, the day was just too full of emotion for me. Next year, I'm going to try to focus on the "Happy" part and try to, for one day, NOT think about how inadequate I am as a mother. And I don't write all of this so that everyone will rally and tell me that I'm "really a good mother," and all that. I'm just writing what my honest feelings were yesterday. I know that in all reality, I'm probably not as bad as I think I am....

I just have to mention a special Happy Mother's Day to our friend, Amber. She is the mother to our precious nephew, Carter. Zeb's sister, Rachael, made the loving decision to place Carter with Travis and Amber and we are so thankful that we are able to watch him grow. Adoption has touched our family in so many ways. If you are in the mood for a good adoption story, jump on over to Amber's blog and enjoy. Happy 1st Mother's Day to Amber AND Rachael!

And while you're reading adoption stories, click on over to my amazing friend Abby's blog and congratulate her on her newest little girl. You might remember Abby's daughter Hannah who I posted pictures of a few months ago. Abby has been a wonderful inspiration to me, not only in our adoption journeys, but in life in general. And I know she had a great Mother's Day...what with TWO daughters now!!!

New Car!

As if Logan going to the zoo without us wasn't enough to let us know he's growing up, he had to go and get his own car this week, too! He came home from spending the day with Uncle Darrell, Aunt Donna, the boys and grandma, and THIS is what he had!

This car is so cool! He can press the button and make it go on his own. It doesn't damage anything it runs into and it doesn't hurt if he runs into a person. I can't believe he's only 1 and he's already driving ;) My how time goes so fast!!!
He loves the car. This morning, the first thing he did was walked to the car. I let him drive it for a little bit, but then I made Zeb put it in the other room so that he wasn't on it all day. Logan didn't forget...he kept asking me about it today!!!

I = Logan's Mommy

I have a few things on my mind tonight. First of all, Logan went on his first big event without his mommy and daddy today. It didn't bother me as much as it bothered Zeb. Although Logan was in wonderful hands (his grandma, aunt, great aunt & great uncle and 2 cousins), Zeb was almost sick to his stomach with worry. I suppose it's natural to be worried, but I seriously thought I was going to have to call the whole thing off because Zeb was so worried! I thought it was adorable :)

It did make me a little sad to think that Logan is growing up to the point where he will experience things that I will not be a part of, and although the zoo trip is something small, it does represent a lifetime of experiences that Logan will have without me. *tear* But we are so thankful that he has so many family members that love him so much!!

This Saturday is Birth Mother's Day. I think of Logan's birth mother a lot. Today, I received a poem from our caseworker which I'll include at the end of this post. I replied to the e-mail and asked if she had seen/talked to Logan's birthmother lately. She said that she had seen her at her place of employment recently and she seemed to be doing fine. It got me thinking, as I often do, about what I would say to her if ever given the chance. In my mind, it goes something like this....

"I don't even know where to begin. Although 'thank you' seems absolutely insignificant to say, it's the only thing that comes to mind...but not just 'thank you'.... more like 'thank you for giving me life.' My life started the day I became Logan's mother. Until that point, my life seemed like a series of events that was leading to my purpose. He is our happiness. He is our joy. He, although not an object, is the most amazing, wonderful blessing. When you chose life for that little boy, you also chose life for Zeb and me. I imagine that there is a certain level of guilt-type emotions you must feel, but if anything I can say can have an impact on you, please know that your decisions changed my life. Forever. In the best possible way. You are loved. Logan loves you. We love you. We pray that you will know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior if you do not know Him already. We pray that you know peace and happiness and that you realize that you are important to us and significant to the Lord. We may never have the opportunity to meet you here on this earth, but you are forever in our hearts."

So, here's to Miss A, Logan's Birth Mother...wishing her a Happy Birth Mother's Day this Saturday and praying that she is blessed.

I do not remember who I was apart from being Logan's Mom. I love it. I love that little guy and I choose to forgive the fact that he likes Justin Bieber because after all, even though he is my son, I realize he is not perfect :)

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women, neither knew the other

One you do not remember, the other you call mother.

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name

One gave you the seed of talent, the other gave you an aim.

Two very different lives shaped yours into one

One became your guiding star, the other was your sun.

One gave you emotions, and one calmed your fears

One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.

The first gave you life, the second taught you to live it.

The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it.

One gave you a family -- it was what God intended for her to do,

The other prayed for a child—God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me through your tears,

The age-old question of all the years,

Heredity or Environment, which are you a product of?

Neither darling, neither ... just two different kinds of Love.

Family

Oh the silliness that ensues when you get a group of boys in a room together...There was lots of craziness tonight...

And silliness...

But none of us could have predicted that Logan would have found a special great uncle that would...what else but...watch Shrek with him!

We are happy that some of our family from Alabama are here for a few days and especially happy that Logan and Uncle Darrell finally met! They became fast friends tonight. Imagine how shy Logan was in a room full of people with all eyes on him...yay right! He was hamming it up, especially when Zeb started playing some Justin Bieber on his cell phone. Logan was putting on a show for everyone. The more we laughed, the more he showed off! Tomorrow -- he's headed to the zoo!!!

19 Months

Someone turned 19 Months old yesterday! No, I didn't forget. I just went to bed at 6:00 p.m. last night because this illness is really taking a toll on me. But I did take the pictures yesterday...they are certified, 19 Month-to-the-day pictures.

5 more months until he is TWO!!! No WAY!

And here are the only pics I snapped in the past week...and these pretty much sum-up how we've all felt this week.

And in case you're wondering what kind of things a 19 month old is into these days, go to youtube and check out a young singer named Justin Bieber. I am NOT a fan, but Logan is. When Logan hears the song "Baby," he starts singing. In the chorus, Justin sings, "Baby, baby, baby, oooohhh, baby, baby, baby...." And when he sings about the second "baby," Logan starts in with the "ooohhhh." I am going to try really hard to get it on video because it is so adorable! We did NOT teach him the song. It comes on in the morning a lot during "Full House" that Logan watches while we are getting ready. Then yesterday, the song played on Zeb's radio and Logan started singing. I guess he just knows what kind of music he likes!