Thoughts on Life, Parenting, Friendships and Figuring Things Out

My right eye has been steadily twitching for the past several days now. I'm certain that it's a sign of a stroke or something like that (I'm a hypochondriac, didn't you know that?!). Anyways, I'm more certain that it has something to do with the level of stress that I've been under and been allowing myself to stay under. I've always been a very busy type of person, never just one iron in the fire, that's for sure. But lately, this busyness has been accompanied by a sense of discontentment and depression that I've never experienced before. I am tired, and not just in the I-need-more-sleep kind of tired.

I know that so many women find themselves in the same situation, but since this is my blog, I guess I'll talk about my own. I don't often like to get into deep ramblings here because quite honestly, I don't often have deep ramblings, but I want to write some things down so that I can remind myself.

Being a wife and mother is hard. I believe in pre-marriage counseling, you should be asked things like, "Do you see yourself doing endless laundry, dishes, cleaning floors, wiping snotty noses, etc., etc. until death?" THOSE should be the questions because when you are raising a toddler, that's what your life is like, and that's about all your life is like.

But I LOVE being Logan's mom. It's the best thing ever. This is the best age so far (I say that about every age), but also the most challenging age. But I find myself torn in a thousand different directions each day and when I've had a few weeks like I've had the past few weeks, I get down on myself thinking that I'm not doing anything right. And when I drop him off at school and he cries for me not to leave, and everyone says, "Oh, he's just playing on your emotions, don't worry about it," it makes everything that much harder. He IS playing on my emotions, and crying all the way to work is not the way I like to start my day. (I don't let him see me cry, don't worry.) I GET that he's just going through a stage and he really is fine, but that doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye.

My BFF challenged me to think about what could make my life better (as far as managing my life) and this weekend, I've thought about that A LOT. I've been on a rampage getting rid of things in the house, and I've found that decreasing the clutter helps me. Also tonight, we went out with a couple who we briefly know through several different things, and it was SO nice to meet new people who were interesting and interested in learning about us. Although quite different from us, it was so inspiring and just made me realize that I don't nuture relationships enough (either with close friends or acquaintances).

I like to teach (my part-time job) and I like my full-time job. And I love being a mom and I love being a wife. I like being involved in church things like playing the piano. I like going out with friends and meeting new people. I like learning new things and challenging myself in different ways.

BUT, I can't do it all. I feel like these are things that I should have been figuring out in my 20s and by now, I should have it all figured out. But I guess that my eye-twitching has prompted me to dig deeper and find out how to manage this thing called life. I need some organization in my life and I need to reprioritize. I'm just at the beginning stages, but I'm so happy that my best friend, who shall remain nameless (I love you, girl!) has challenged me to stop and think about what can make my life better. It seems simple, but I guess until now, my life has felt like an out-of-control schedule that I just went along with. Hopefully, in the near future, I can make some sense of it. Is that what being in your 30s is all about?

In other news (that I'm sure you're all much more interested in)....the other day, Logan was singing, "Run me over. Run me over." and I was like, "What song is that?" And he sang, "Run me over. My cup run me over."

Today, he was singing, "E-I-E-I-O, yes that's the book for me!"


Today, I got my hair done and when Logan saw me, he touched my hair and said, "Pretty mommy." He is such a sweet boy. And I'm not kidding, he loves his mommy, and I LOVE that!

Logan got a black eye at school this week. I know that you probably can't tell in the pictures. When I got home from work, Zeb said, "Don't freak out," and you know what? I didn't freak out. I'm kind of getting used to him getting bumps and bruises. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather him not get hurt, but I don't freak out nearly as much as I used to.

It was nice out today, but we were so busy, we didn't get to enjoy it. Hopefully, the coming weeks will provide lots of sunshine for us to enjoy. Hopefully, my eye stops twitching long enough for me to enjoy it :)