Can't sleep

Well, I can't sleep. For those of you that know me well, you know that is probably one of the craziest things I've ever said. Not being able to sleep is something that only happens to me once every...well, pretty much NEVER.

So, my mind is racing with a lot of things. Of course there are the basic needs of our baby; all those things we need to buy and do before his arrival. I've been cleaning the house since about 3:45 a.m. I figure the whole cleaning thing will keep me busy through most of Saturday (I have to work on Saturday morning...in about 3 hours from now). Then, I have high hopes for getting a ton of stuff done that I've pretty much been putting off my whole life. You know, clean out closets, organize photos, clean out the pantry, all that stuff that I put off until I have an absolute reason to do them -- Now, I have a reason.

But more than that, my mind is racing with thoughts of what emotional and spiritual needs our son will have. I already know I want to be a more spiritual person than I am now. I want to draw closer to God, not just because we're having a baby, but it's TIME, and this whole situation puts things into perspective. I want our baby to know the best possible version of me. I want to be the best godly influence and spiritual encouragement that I can be to him.

I also want to protect him from people that will say and do things to make him feel like he is something less than others or that he cannot accomplish his dreams. I want to shield him from people with negative attitudes who emotionally drain you and suck all the happiness from your life because they are unhappy with their own life.

Then there is all the other stuff -- where will he go to school? Will he have trouble learning and need extra attention? What will I do if the other kids make fun of him or pick on him? What will I do when he graduates from high school, has his first girlfriend and/or break-up, or.....gets married? I'm crying already. I want him to stay little forever. I can't wait to watch him grow up and learn to know him and all the things that he likes and dislikes, but already, I'm scared to death. I'm a pretty paranoid person anyways (I freak out if my niece even looks like she might be thinking about choking on something she hasn't even put in her mouth yet), so I'm sure being a mom is going to heighten that paranoia multiple times over.

So, is six weeks a long time to wait for a baby? To most of you who had to carry a baby for 9 months, it seems like nothing....Right now, to me, who is running on about 4 hours of sleep....it already feels like an ETERNITY.