My thoughts on waiting

As I'm waiting for my baby to be born, for any sign of labor, any sign that this is happening, that the joy is near, I can't help but think of her. 

She is carrying my baby, after all.  I'm rushing away the minutes and hours, hoping they pass quickly so that moment when I hold my baby in my arms will finally be here.

But she is holding onto the minutes, willing the time to drag on and the moments not to pass.  Hoping that she can hold on for longer, that the babe inside her can remain hers for just a little bit longer.

While I am selfishly wishing for my dream to come true, she is in emotional torture and torment - perhaps scared about the delivery, most certainly scared of leaving the hospital empty handed.

While I see years of joy and happiness and fullness that cannot start soon enough, she cannot see past the tears in her eyes and the ache in her heart. 

She loved him first.  Before I did.  Before I held him, she carried him.  While I'm cursing the slow- moving clock and another day with "no news," I will turn my anxiousness into prayers for the woman that means the world to me.  Waiting is so, so hard.  But instead, I will look at this time as a gift to her....that she can keep him just a few more days.  As long as she needs to.  And suddenly, I stop wishing the time to speed up, and I bask in the now.  The joy of right now.  The hope that tomorrow brings.