Goodbye 2015

I can't say I'm sorry to see 2015 go.  It wasn't kind to us. 

As you recall, we went to Disney in September/October.  Our favorite time of year was marred by my kidney stone and Zeb's bronchitis.  Quite honestly, it didn't feel like a vacation at all.  And I'm still fighting the bill on that one.

My kidney stone quickly passed, but Zeb's issues lingered.  For months. Finally, on December 13, we took him to the ER where he was admitted, and stayed for 4 days.  It was awful.  And scary.  At the emergency room, there was talk of a mass around his lung and congestive heart failure. Two completely separate, both life-altering, issues.

We have spent the past several weeks trying to get him feeling better.  We still have not seen the oncologist, but will this month.  He was hopeful, so we aren't too concerned.  The "mass" could just be scar tissue from his past surgeries. 

What most of you don't know about is our adoption disappointment that also occurred in the fall.

Back in September, we became aware of a situation.  A little girl, to be born in November.  We were excited.  So, so excited.  We started to plan, but we didn't tell anyone because we didn't want everyone in the family to get their hopes up.  Anyways, we waited.  The whole time we were on vacation, the whole month of October, we were SURE we were going to be welcoming a little girl by Thanksgiving.  About one week before she was due, the agency heard from the birthmother, and she decided to parent the baby herself.

I get it.  We were expecting it.  We know this is always a possibility.

I was sad.  So, sad.  I took a couple days to be sad and to cry and to get it out of my system.  And we are good now.  But the loss is real.

I don't write all of this so you will feel sorry for us.  We are healed now.  We are hopeful.   I write this so that you might just stop and remember that people go through things that are not public.  Everyone is fighting some kind of battle.  Everyone has pain. 

We had an amazing Christmas, even though Zeb wasn't at 100%.  Logan was a true joy.  Logan still doesn't know about our heartache.  We won't tell him.  He is our great blessing.  How can we possibly be sad when we have been blessed with the gift of Logan?  Not possible to remain sad when we have him!

We are looking ahead to 2016 and feeling hopeful and simply blessed that we are all alive.