When God Says No

You don't hear about this much.  I think Christians don't like to talk about it because they feel that it will give God a bad reputation or something.  Sometimes, God says no.  And it hurts.

I very boldly prayed for a baby by Christmas this year.  It didn't happen.  I was sure that it would...I mean, we've been waiting almost 4 years.  What a great story it would have been to pray that God would bring us a baby and then HE DID.  Wow.  That would have been an amazing story, right?

God said no.  I don't pretend to understand.  I don't pretend that my heart isn't hurt.  BUT I do trust that God's ways are better than mine.  Period.  I don't have to understand and I don't need to question it.  I got an answer and it is no.

I don't know what the next year holds for us.  Zeb has been ready to throw in the towel on adoption #2 for quite some time, but I haven't been ready.  I think if we don't get a baby by the time our next homestudy expires that we will be done waiting and continue our life with just the three of us.  It's a very good life.  I LOVE being a mama so much that I want to multiply it, you know?  God has given me no greater gift than to be a mom.  It continuously forces me to evaluate myself and try to be a better version of myself.  Being a mom is the BEST!!

I'm going to pray that God will mold my heart.  That I will seek after what HE wants for me instead of what I want for myself.  Sometimes, when the answer is no, God directs us in another way in order to refine us for His glory.  It's not an easy lesson.  I'm not going to say I'm not hurt.  But glory be to God for His gifts to us -- even answers that are "no."